wigWAG

We might be inspired by the stories of the day, the tabloid at the checkout counter, gossip in our ears or a reader's tip in our email. If it strikes us as a little bit off, a lot of silly, positively preposterous or reveals the absurdity of our present situation with the president, it’s WiGWAG. News with a twist.

The dope was duped

In one of his gags on the Showtime series Who is America?, Sacha Baron Cohen presented conservative lawmakers and activists with fake pro-Israel awards called “70 at 70.” Republican U.S. Rep. Scott Perry of Pennsylvania never caught on that the trophy was a gag. He lists it on his website along with his other awards. Still, he was savvier than Georgia state Rep. Jason Spencer, who pulled down his pants for Cohen, bent over and repeatedly shouted racial slurs. Spencer was already famous for pushing a bill banning Muslim women from wearing veils. This time, GOP leaders convinced him to resign.

Hundreds of bottles of beer on the truck

A truck transporting hundreds of bottles of beer from the Czech Republic to Poland overturned, dumping Holba and Litovel beer on the road. The police put a road advisory on Facebook, prompting posts of “Horror,” “Tragedy” and “Crying shame.” WigWAG wonders: Was it a pilsner?

Cheesy victory

The Dairy Farmers of Wisconsin recently won a Guinness World Record for creating the largest cheese plate in the world. The 35-by-71-foot platter held almost 4,438 of cheese, beating the former record by more than 1,000 pounds. The platter was presented to the public in a life-size barn replica on Madison’s Capitol Square.

Sharknapped!

Two men and a woman snatched a 16-inch gray horn shark named Miss Helen from the San Antonio Aquarium in Texas. They wrapped Miss Helen in a blanket and stashed her inside a bucket, which they placed on the bottom of a baby stroller. Local police tracked down the trio and returned the fish to the aquarium in “very good condition,” according to staff. The sharknappers could face federal charges. Was it a coincidence that the caper took place during Shark Week, which was July 22–29?

Hello, Hillary!

Bette Midler couldn’t contain her excitement when Hillary Clinton showed up in the audience to see her revival of Hello Dolly! at Broadway’s Shubert Theatre. Neither could the audience, who “stood, clapped and chanted” the former secretary of state’s name “until the lights went down,” Midler reported on Twitter. Clinton’s appearance “made us all unbelievably happy,” she said.

Not a pretty picture

Colorado Citizens for Culture collects donations to commission presidential portraits to hang in the Capitol in Denver. But

fundraising for Donald Trump’s portrait, which will cost about $10,000, isn’t going so well. In fact, no one has donated a nickel. By comparison, the total costs for the portraits of George W. Bush and Barack Obama were raised within the first four months after their elections.

Serious s**t

From New York-based Artbook — “the art world’s source for books on art and culture” — we receive news releases about high-minded books for “the passionate audience of people who work in and live through the arts.” So we know there’s not likely to be any potty humor in the forthcoming publication by Lydia Kallipoliti despite the title, which is The Architecture of Closed Worlds, Or, What Is the Power of Shit? WigWAG, on the other hand, embraces toilet talk.

A premium boot

An Alaska Airlines flight attendant asked a gay couple to vacate the premium seats they’d purchased so a heterosexual couple, who’d also paid for premium seats, could sit together. The angry couple vacated the plane and posted about their experience on social media. The airline’s spokeswoman responded with a list of the company’s LGBTQ-inclusive credentials, including a perfect score on HRC’s Equality Index. 

SeaQuest set free

The week Education Secretary Betsy DeVos announced more massive cuts to student debt relief, someone untied one of the billionaire’s 10 yachts, setting the 163-foot vessel adrift on Lake Erie. Law enforcement in Huron, Ohio, where the yacht had been moored, estimated the damage at $5,000–$10,000. A crewmember reported the incident, saying he awoke to find the yacht floating away from the Huron Boat Basin.

Need milk? Got ID?

President Donald Trump, on a trip to Tampa, Florida, to rally support for favorite Republicans ahead of the August primary, said requiring IDs to vote shouldn’t be controversial because people already need IDs to buy groceries. “If you go out and you want to buy groceries, you need a picture on a card. You need ID,” Trump told a cheering crowd. The silly assertion prompted reporters to repeatedly ask White House press secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders whether the billionaire president had ever been to a grocery store. “I’m not sure. I’m not sure why that matters, either,” says Sanders.

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