wigWAG

We might be inspired by the stories of the day, the tabloid at the checkout counter, gossip in our ears or a reader's tip in our email. If it strikes us as a little bit off, a lot of silly, positively preposterous or reveals the absurdity of our present situation with the president, it’s WiGWAG. News with a twist.

Pee pot?

So, the owner of Duc’s Place restaurant in New Haven, Connecticut, has a pot but it’s not to piss in. A sign he placed to keep people from allowing their dogs to pee in his flowerpot resulted in a fine against him. The sign read, “Attn: dog owners. This is a pay-per-pee flowerpot. (Pay inside or leave your address and we’ll kindly return the favor.)” The city issued citations against Duc’s Place for being a public nuisance.

No place like ‘home’

The FBI recently reported the recovery of a pair of ruby slippers that Judy Garland wore in The Wizard of Oz. The slippers — one of four pairs known to exist and insured for $1 million — were stolen from the Judy Garland Museum in Grand Rapids, Minnesota, 13 years ago. Authorities declined to detail how the shoes were recovered — or from whom — except to say they were seized as part of a sting.

Scare coyotes

Goose poop has become a major problem for the folks in Middletown, Connecticut. But they’ve figured out a way to deter it. They’ve placed a pack of plastic coyotes, with movable tails, around a playground and pond.

Goodwill ganja?

Law enforcement officers were called to a thrift store in Sarasota, Florida, where an employee sorting through donations found 5 pounds of pot. The marijuana was packed in a vacuum-sealed bag inside a plastic tote. The big question: Can the donor get a tax deduction?

Medical quackery?

Gwyneth Paltrow’s lifestyle company — goop — will pay $145,000 in civil penalties for claiming products meant to be inserted into the vagina improve health. Prosecutors in eight California counties were involved in the case over goop’s claim that insertion of a Jade Egg or Rose Quartz Egg could balance hormones, regulate menstrual cycles and improve bladder control.

Donald who?

In her primary race against Kevin Nicholson, U.S. Senate candidate Leah Vukmir spent millions of dollars on ads highlighting her hard-right positions and her unwavering loyalty to Donald Trump and Scott Walker. But a recent ad in her campaign to unseat Tammy Baldwin didn’t mention either of those gentlemen. In fact, it failed to mention that she’s a conservative — or even a Republican. Instead, the ad tries to humanize her — a feat that will require more than TV commercials for anyone familiar with her record. 

Trump boosts Nike sales

Despite right-wing backlash and harsh words from Donald Trump, Nike Inc. reported a 31 percent increase in Labor Day sales after debuting a new ad campaign featuring Colin Kaepernick. The former San Francisco 49ers quarterback started last year’s wave of NFL national anthem protests.

But it was funny

Roy Moore, the fiery evangelical former Alabama Supreme Court justice, has filed a $95 million defamation suit against Sacha Baron Cohen and Showtime. Moore, who lost a U.S. Senate race due to allegations he’d stalked and molested underage girls, charges he was portrayed as a sex offender on Cohen’s series Who Is America? Moore appeared on the show expecting to receive an award for his support of Israel. But Cohen, disguised as his fictional Israeli anti-terrorism expert Erran Morad, waved what he called a “pedophile detector” near Moore, and the faux gadget beeped in alarm. 

You call that a bagel?

Former Sex and the City star Cynthia Nixon, who challenged incumbent Gov. Andrew Cuomo in New York’s Democratic gubernatorial primary, ignited a media frenzy by ordering a cinnamon-raisin bagel with lox, capers, red onions, cream cheese and tomatoes. Kellyanne Conway‘s husband George wrote, “Lox her up?” Rupert Murdoch’s New York Post ran a story headlined: “Cynthia Nixon’s bagel order is horrifying.” Some folks tweeted that Nixon was a victim of sexism. And, of course, Nixon’s campaign used it all for a fundraising appeal. 

Trump and the Holy Ghost

U.S. Sen. Todd Young, R-Indiana, tweeted that he’s delivering a quilt to Donald Trump that was made by an 85-year-old South Bend woman who claims she was following instructions from the Holy Ghost. Betty Alexander’s quilt features a red, white and blue border around an American flag. Alexander says she thinks Trump’s mother was into quilting, but we kind of doubt it.

Dine and dash

The long arm of the law has finally caught the “Dine-and-Dash Dater,” a middle-age Romeo who invited women online to dine at expensive restaurants, then literally left them holding the check. Los Angeles prosecutors hit the fine-dining Lothario with 11 felony counts of extortion. Burbank police also have an interest in Paul Gonzales, 45, but for a different reason. There, he’s known as the “Dye and Dasher,” for skipping out on salons without paying for his coloring bill. Once he fled a salon still wearing a towel around his neck. 

Queer winner

Queer Eye won the Emmy for Best Structured Reality Program, beating out Shark Tank, Antiques Roadshow, Fixer Upper, Who Do You Think You Are? and Lip Sync Battle. The reboot of Bravo’s Queer Eye for the Straight Guy also took home Emmys for Best Casting for a Structured Reality Program and for Outstanding Picture Editing in the same category.

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