Eagles kneeling

Fox News used this image as propaganda when discussing the Philadelphia Eagles and their decision to not visit the White House. 

We might be inspired by the stories of the day, the tabloid at the checkout counter, gossip in our ears or a reader's tip in our email. If it strikes us as a little bit off, a lot of silly, positively preposterous or reveals the absurdity of our present situation with the president, it’s WiGWAG. News with a twist.

Hail to the cheesemaker

Counselor to the President Kellyanne Conway accidentally referred to Donald Trump as the “commander of cheese” instead of “commander in chief.” Or was it an accident?

Hot handgun

A 44-year-old man in Warren, Ohio, was wounded while trying to retrieve a baked handgun from his oven. The man was hiding the gun from visiting kids, but his girlfriend — unaware of the concealed weapon — fired up the oven to do some Sunday baking. AP reported, “No charges have been filed against the oven.”

What would Jesus fly?

“If Jesus was physically on the Earth today, he wouldn’t be riding a donkey,” televangelist Jesse Duplantis told critics who attacked him for a fundraising video claiming Jesus wants him to have a $54 million private jet. Duplantis said God wanted him to have the aircraft so he could speed around the globe delivering the “good news” more efficiently.

Pricy parking space

A single parking space in the most densely populated part of Hong Kong recently sold for $760,000. That’s cheaper than some Manhattan parking spaces, which sell for $1 million. But the Hong Kong space was much smaller than its pricey New York counterparts. Now tell us again about the ridiculously high cost of parking in downtown Milwaukee.

Another Fox News fail

Remember those bitter cold days in 2011 when Capitol Square in Madison was swarming with pro-union protesters? Remember how Fox News covered the event with footage of union members in short pants brawling under palm trees? Well, more recently Fox used photos of Philadelphia Eagles players kneeling in prayer for a story about NFLers taking a knee during the national anthem. “This can’t be serious. ... Praying before games with my teammates, well before the anthem, is being used for your propaganda?!” tweeted Eagles tight end Zach Ertz.

Small turnout

Speaking of the Eagles, Donald Trump made a big show of disinviting them to the traditional celebratory White House visit afforded the reigning Super Bowl champs. Trump failed to mention that fewer than 10 players — and none of the black ones — had accepted the invitation.

Deadly Head

While doing yard work at his South Texas home, Milo Sutcliffe found a 4-foot rattlesnake and hacked off its head with a shovel. As he bent down to pick up the remains, the severed head bit him. En route to a hospital, Sutcliffe began having seizures, losing his vision and bleeding internally. He survived after being airlifted and receiving 26 doses of antivenom, compared with the usual two to four.

Fired roommate

A Maine man set his kitchen on fire in a successful attempt to force his roommate to move out. Police and firefighters investigating the incident in a South Portland home arrested the 52-year-old suspect. The roommate fled the house during the fire, but the man now faces up to 30 years in prison on arson charges.

Slurp-athon

What does it take to win the World Oyster Eating Championship? The victorious Virginia man ate 480 oysters in eight minutes to take the title in the contest held earlier this month in New Orleans. More than 4,000 Louisiana oysters, along with hot sauce and beer, were prepared for seven contestants who ate bivalves by the dozen. 

Bush-whacked

A Bay County, Florida, sheriff’s deputy threw cans of baked beans at a man who was threatening people with a hammer inside a grocery store. Maj. Jimmy Sanford said the cans of Bush’s Country Style Baked Beans were an alternative to using deadly force. The offender was subdued by the beans and arrested.

Not pooping to profit

From a paper presented earlier this month during Digestive Disease Week, WiGWAG learned that people are more likely to donate stool samples for medical research for the good of the cause than for a cash reward. The study was conducted by the University of Alberta in Canada to determine how best to motivate potential donors to research that could help save lives. Altruism proved the most effective appeal. 

Drainage plan

State Sen. Leah Vukmir, a candidate in the Wisconsin Republican primary for U.S. Senate, says she has a plan to “drain the swamp” in Washington, D.C. Her idea — according to a news release from her campaign — involves moving the national government’s offices out of the national capital. “By moving the federal bureaucracy out of Washington … we’ll make government more responsive to the people while saving taxpayers millions,” she stated. 

Live by Bernie?

Vermont is offering new enticements encouraging you to move to the state if you can telecommute to your job. To build its population, Vermont is offering new residents up to $10,000 over a period of two years. The Remote Worker Grant Program, which takes effect Jan. 1, 2019, will cover relocation expenses and other costs for those working primarily from a Vermont home office or co-working space and employed full-time by an out-of-state company. “Vermont isn’t just a place to ski and try craft beers, it’s an ideal state for raising a family and growing a business,” Department of Tourism and Marketing commissioner Wendy Knight said. Still, we stress, Vermont is a place to ski and try craft beers. 

Well, she is from ‘the City’

Cynthia Nixon’s gubernatorial campaign misspelled the name of the city of Ithaca in an email to supporters. The Democrat’s campaign repeatedly referred to “Ithica” in the email inviting voters to an upstate event with Nixon.

She’s challenging incumbent Andrew Cuomo in the Democratic primary. A spokeswoman with the campaign acknowledged the error and provided the press with the photo of a campaign worker writing “Ithaca” correctly several dozen times on a dry-erase board.

Temple v. Twitter

The Satanic Temple based in Salem, Massachusetts, alleges religious discrimination by Twitter. Satanic Temple founder Lucien Greaves filed a complaint with the Massachusetts Commission Against Discrimination claiming Twitter wrongly suspended its accounts after someone tweeted a threat to the organization. An attorney for Greaves says Twitter’s standards for verifying and suspending users is colored by favoritism toward groups that share the social network’s views. The Boston Globe reported Twitter restored the accounts — but without the “verified” status Greaves wants.

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