Oscar-style awards for bad politicians

Jamakaya, Contributing writer

When Hollywood prepares to award the Oscars, it’s time for WiG to bestow awards for both outstanding and dubious performances outside the film industry.

By unanimous vote, the M. Night Shyamalan Award for surprise endings goes to the presidential election of 2016. Surprise endings are fun in movies; in real life, not so much.

The Do the Right Thing Award goes to the dozens of attorneys who spontaneously rushed to airports offering legal aid to individuals caught up in the chaos wrought by President Donald Trump’s ban on Muslim immigrants. They weren’t thinking about retainers; they just dived into do the right thing.

The Atticus Finch Memorial Prize goes to the attorneys general of Washington and Minnesota who successfully argued for a temporary restraining order against the ban. They cited 10 violations of constitutional rights and federal laws in their complaint.

Meanwhile, the Get Me Re-Write Award for the worst writing of an executive order since the internment of Japanese-Americans in World War II goes to Donald Trump. His Justice Department is not going to defend his indefensible ban. Instead, Trump is issuing an entirely new executive order, presumably one that can withstand judicial review.

Trump’s appointment of his entire cabinet wins the Biggest “Fake News” of the Year Award. Characterized by stupidity, self-interest or venality, such colossal frauds could only spring from the imagination of someone who is himself a presidential impostor.

The Hidden Figures Award also goes to Trump for his refusal to release his tax forms and details of his business holdings, something done by all recent presidents. The purpose of the disclosure is to make transparent any investments and relationships that might compromise the president’s judgment. I expect we’ll find out what he’s hiding on the road to impeachment.

The Chewing the Scenery Award competition this year resulted in a tie. For his hostile and otherwise overwrought antics at press conferences, Trump spokesman Sean Spicer is a winner. Sharing the honor is Melissa McCarthy for her hilarious impersonation of Spicer on Saturday Night Live.

Trump counselor and “alternative facts” apologist Kellyanne Conway bags the Pinocchio Award for serial lying. Her defenders say criticism of Conway, who is the mother of four children, is too mean-spirited. I say given the terrible example she sets for those kids, let’s add to her mantel the Mommy Dearest Award as well.

Wisconsin’s own Rep. Paul Ryan gets the Three Faces of Eve Award. The speaker of the House was against Trump’s Muslim ban before he was for it. Ryan decried Trump’s racist comments about a judge before he enthusiastically endorsed Trump’s racist choice for U.S. attorney general. Which face will Ryan show next?

Milwaukee County Sheriff David Clarke wins the One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest Award. Clarke’s racist rants, threats of violence and incompetent management (four deaths at the county jail) suggest increasing instability. Will someone stop this ticking time bomb before more people get hurt?

Finally, laws requiring open records and public deliberations are called “sunshine” laws. Wisconsin’s GOP-controlled legislature swept the Moonlight and Nocturnal Animals Awards for their nasty habit of passing controversial laws in the middle of the night.