WiGWAG: presidential Halloween masks, space voting and more

Don’t forget the cocktail sauce

A Kentucky judge says same-sex marriage has destroyed his ability to bond with other males. “I meet with men four or five times a week and we hug; we love each other at a certain level,” said Fayette Circuit Judge Tim Philpot. But now, he said, “I don’t hug the way I used to.” He went on to call same-sex marriage “an oxymoron,” not unlike “jumbo shrimp.”

Disney drop

A urologist at Michigan State University discovered that riding a roller coaster helps patients pass kidney stones with a nearly 70 percent success rate. Professor David Wartinger, who published his research in the Journal of the American Osteopathic Association, said he heard from patients who said they passed kidney stones after riding the Big Thunder Mountain roller coaster at Walt Disney World. So he conducted an experiment, riding the roller coaster 20 times with a backpack containing a 3D model of a hollow kidney containing three stones. The success rate for passage was higher — 64 percent — sitting in the last car of the coaster. The success rate was even higher — 70 percent — in an expanded study.

Bud wise

A survey of 2,000 people conducted for National Beer Day on Sept. 28 found beer is the No. 1 preferred drink when meeting friends at a bar or other social venue. And domestic beer is preferable to imported beer. The most beer-loving state is Massachusetts, followed by Missouri and then Wisconsin. Now, consider the source for the survey: Budweiser.

Beer bust

Budweiser-maker Anheuser-Busch InBev’s $103 billion takeover of SABMiller has cleared its final hurdle to merge the world’s two biggest brewers. The combined company will control almost a third of the global beer market. You can bust this growing monopoly by choosing Wisconsin’s phenomenal, award-winning craft beers. The quality and flavor are better — and buying local helps all of us.

Buzz after beer

National Coffee Day came a day after National Beer Day, with WalletHub announcing on Sept. 29 the top 20 cities for coffee lovers based on a dozen metrics, including the number of coffee shops per capita and the average price of take-home coffee beans. Madison ranked No. 8 in the survey. Portland, Oregon, came in at No. 1, followed by Seattle. Portland has about 32.5 times more coffee shops than Laredo, Texas.

Jail time for pie toss

A man charged with hitting Sacramento, California Mayor Kevin Johnson in the face with a coconut cream pie plans to sue the mayor for punching him in the face. The attorney for former Occupy protester Sean Thompson said he’s filing a lawsuit accusing the mayor and former NBA star of battery and violating Thompson’s civil rights. Thompson was charged with assault and battery, but the mayor faces no charges, even though Thompson’s mug shot shows him with a cut and stitches under his blackened eye. Johnson had no injuries except embarrassment.

Out of this world

If the 2016 election seems like something out of this world to you, it actually is something off the planet for NASA astronaut Kate Rubins. She might vote for president from the International Space Station if her homecoming is delayed a few days. She got an absentee ballot in Texas before rocketing away in July, just in case. The ballot lists her address as “low-Earth orbit,” leaving us to wonder how her state will handle the photo-ID thing. Oh, never mind, she’s white.

Thanks are in order

Police in South Florida say they have a “person of interest” in the theft of a naked Donald Trump statue that was taken from a local arts district. It’s one of the life-size naked Trump statues that the artist collective INDECLINE installed around the country in August.

Scary polling

Spirit Halloween has resurrected its presidential mask index, which charts sales of candidate masks leading up to Halloween and the general election. Spirit claims sales have accurately predicted the outcome of presidential elections since 1996. Masks come in latex and foam. Several will terrify. Others may charm. Spirit also rolled out novelty candidate-themed toilet paper for a “roll poll.”

D-electable dishes

Legal Sea Foods, which operates restaurants on the East Coast, is serving Blue Plate and Red Plate specials to diners this election season. The Blue Plate special is the “Secretary of Steak,” a liberal helping of blackened tuna steak with jasmine rice and bacon-braised Brussels sprouts. The Red Plate special is the “Trump Tower,” a yuge platter of scallop ceviche, king crab, marinated mussels, shrimp cocktail, oysters and littlenecks on the half shell.