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WiGWAG: The one about mad egg hunts, Trump's tombstone and more

WiGWAG: news with a twist.…

Safe house

Are you a political operative attending the Republican National Convention in July? Nowhere to stay? Well, the childhood home of serial killer Jeffrey Dahmer, located in the town of Bath, just 26 miles south of Cleveland, is available for $10,000 a month this summer. Relax in safety at this rustic retreat, where Dahmer killed his first victim, while the GOP’s heavily armed power brokers shoot it out for the nomination.

Not resting in peace

A fake tombstone for Donald Trump was placed in New York’s Central Park in late March. The marker contained Trump’s birth year, 1946, and an epitaph, “Made America Hate Again.”

Don’t they have killers to catch?

Police in Concord, North Carolina, recently slapped handcuffs on a man who failed to return a VHS rental more than 14 years ago. Even the movie’s star, Tom Green, came to the man’s defense, acknowledging that his 2001 flop Freddy God Fingered was not worth one star, let alone two handcuffs. The scofflaw was driving his daughter to school when he was stopped for his heinous crime.

Passionate play by play

Mixed reactions followed TBS announcer Kevin Harlan’s excited declaration during the NCAA tournament: “Jim Boeheim and Syracuse have done it! Back from the dead on Easter Sunday! They’re going to the Final Four.” Demands for an apology poured in, along with countless zombie Jesus memes, endless debate on talk radio and, yes, some giggles.

Speaking of March madness

A call about “multiple irate parents” at an Easter egg hunt brought out law enforcement in Proctor, Vermont. Police resorted to pepper spray and made an arrest after tempers flared when some people broke through ropes and began collecting eggs before the overbooked Easter event began. The event organizer said refunds were offered.

Ryan’s selfless sacrifice

House Speaker Paul Ryan was met with smirks when he released a video about what he sacrificed for Lent. Instead of foregoing one of the traditional luxuries for 40 days as a form of penitence — steak, seaweed wraps, Internet porn — Ryan vowed to relinquish anxiety. We think he missed the spirit of the exercise.

Manhandled in Jupiter

Trump campaign manager Corey Lewandowski is facing a charge of misdemeanor battery in Jupiter, Florida, where he allegedly grabbed a female reporter who was attempting to interview his boss. Lewandowski and Trump deny the allegation despite video evidence. Lewandowski is represented by Kendall Coffee, a former U.S. Attorney who lost that job after biting a stripper.

Blown away by latest Bubba craze

In the rural South, the latest craze is to pack objects full of the explosive Tannerite and then shoot at them. Critical to full enjoyment of this experience is remaining a safe distance from the object under assault. But one Georgia man overlooked that part of the plan. After packing a lawnmower with 3 pounds of the material, he fired 20 shots at close range from a semi-automatic rifle. “I blew my leg off,” he can be heard hollering in the video recording of the event. At least he got that part right.

We don’t really get this

Activists had a portable toilet delivered to the North Carolina Capitol in Raleigh after right-wing Gov. Pat McCrory signed legislation forbidding transgender people from using public bathrooms that correspond with their gender identities.

What could go wrong, Part 12

A Minnesota company has created a handgun designed to look like a smartphone. “Smartphones are everywhere,” the company’s website says, “so your new pistol will easily blend in with today’s environment. In its locked position it will be virtually undetectable because it hides in plain sight.”

Party on the highway

A truck carrying a cargo of Busch beer and a truck hauling Frito Lay chips collided on Interstate 95 near Melbourne, Florida, and it wasn’t a happy hour for morning commuters. Traffic backed up for miles after state troopers closed the highway to clear spilled chips and beer. OK, some of you would have preferred wine and cheese?

Just say no, Part 827,213

A health-conscious drug user was arrested after responding to a police social media post warning that her meth might be contaminated with the Ebola virus. Police near Austin, Texas, developed the ruse to catch drug users. But apparently only one unfortunate user was tweaked out enough to take her meth to the station for Ebola testing.

Find more WiGWAG at www.wisconsingazette.com.

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