Stakes of holly, glasses of punch

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It’s time for holiday cheers and jeers for the best and worst of 2010, along with some holiday wishes.

A warm glass of punch for Lady Gaga for her bold theatricality and the sense of belonging she gives to all of her “little monsters.” Alas, a curdled cup of eggnog to Gaga as well for the creep show “Alejandro,” which she publicly dedicated to the “gay community.” Great hook, Gaga, but fascist imagery, sex and violence in a crypt-like setting? Not exactly the images most of us want to be associated with.

A big glass of punch and all the warm fuzzies we can muster for Stephen Sondheim, who turned 80 this year. The year featured dozens of tributes and publication of the master’s book “Finishing the Hat.” Sondheim may have felt conflicted about his homosexuality for years, but who wouldn’t be happy to claim this musical genius as our own? Add Bernadette Peters and Elaine Stritch back on Broadway in “A Little Night Music” and, wow. Curtain up, light the lights, indeed!

A stake of holly through the heart of John McCain, who’s leading the Senate’s opposition to the repeal of “don’t ask, don’t tell.” McCain’s growing bitterness since his election defeat in 2008 and his failure to heed the wise counsel of his wife and daughter regarding equal rights earn him the Unrepentant Ebenezer Scrooge Award for 2010.

More stakes through the heart and condemnation to the hellfire they so firmly believe in to members of the Westboro Baptist Church, who picket funerals and harass the bereaved with cruel anti-gay messages. Their latest victim: the widely admired Elizabeth Edwards. No rhyme or reason to these folks, just meanness and (in their own lexicon) the work of the devil.

Glasses of punch and best wishes to newlyweds Jane Lynch (“Glee”) and Dr. Lara Embry and Kelly McGillis (“Top Gun”) and her longtime love Melanie Leis. Raise a toast, too, to Ricky Martin, newly out of the closet and loving it!

A cocktail, with a touch of bitters please, for the politically incorrect Fran Lebowitz, who pointed out that for generations many gay men and lesbians were quite happy to be queer precisely because we did not have to get married or serve in the military. Thanks for the reminder, Fran!

A special poisonous mistletoe punch for the latest fulminating fundamentalist minister, Eddie Long, who condemns homosexuality but who allegedly molested young male congregants on church-related trips. Boy, has this become a predictable story.

As for me, all I want for Christmas besides world peace, social justice and the restoration of matriarchal rule is:

  • A 21 percent discount on all consumer items, given the fact that women, almost 50 years after the Equal Pay Act, still make 79 cents for every dollar men make.
  • A major Hollywood feature film in which the primary activity of lesbian characters is not sleeping with and/or killing men.
  • A midnight movie sing-a-long showing of “White Christmas” with prizes for costumes and the best full drag version of “Sisters.”
  • A Gay Parade of Homes Tour featuring holiday lighting displays.
  • A new Wanda Sykes special on HBO.
  • A billion dollar bequest to WGBH to maintain Masterpiece Theater, so we can still have a bit of intelligent drama on TV.

And how about a president with intellect and leadership skills? “Free” zones that prohibit handheld tech devices? A jargon-free sequel to post-modern theory? I can dream, can’t I?

I hope that you get everything you desire this holiday season!

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