Not tying the knot
Thursday, 28 January 2010 12:31
There are tons of issues related to dating in your 20s, but should getting married really be one of them?
My brother celebrated his 18th birthday this month and he plans on marrying his 18-year-old girlfriend within the year. He’s already purchased the ring, though neither of them has finished high school yet.
I have no doubt they love each other, but why the rush?
I’ve been in love and I’ve been engaged, but now, at 23, I’ve realized that my 20s are only going to come around once. I want my 20s to be my 20s because, honestly, I wouldn’t want to burden anyone I really care about with all of the mistakes I’m making and lessons I’m learning. That just adds bad weight to a relationship.
Let’s say a young person does get seriously involved with his or her partner and they spend years together. There’s still a huge chance they’ll break up before they’re 30, leaving both past their prime with nothing but a broken spirit and possibly a kid. Divorce rates in the United States are always sky high, and they get even higher for couples who have been together for less than 10 years.
I remember an episode of “Oprah” that aired a few years ago. It featured the cast of the explosive “Sex and the City” movie. Oprah Winfrey was asking the women if they could go back and change anything about their lives, what would they do.
Sarah Jessica Parker said she would’ve stayed single throughout her 20s instead of diving into relationships. The rest of the cast generally agreed that your 20s are the years when you can be selfish about your time and your growth as a person, and it’s acceptable because it’s necessary. I’ve got to say that I agree.
Of course, we’re all going to get into relationships, because that’s what humans do. The 20s, though, just aren’t an ideal time to try and share your life with someone. There’s too much personal stuff going on.
In gay relationships, I’m always surprised when I have to deal with someone my age or older who is closeted. That’s a huge burden on the partner who is out, because now he or she has to go through the whole closeted lifestyle all over again. The couple can’t hold hands in public, can’t meet friends or family. The whole relationship is essentially a secret.
For teens and twentysomethings, coming out can sometimes be a hard situation to deal with, possibly even directly conflicting with home life if the closeted person is living with parents.
I have sympathy for these people, but I’m not going to get involved with them. No one wants to go back into the closet once they’ve come out. Once you’re 30, though, you can pretty much assume that anyone your age is out and, if not, you’ll be old enough and hopefully mature enough to handle the situation.
I think there should be an amendment to marriage laws, and not the amendment the religious right advocates. Aside from making gay-marriage universally legal, there should be an expiration date on the contract. Ten years down the line, if two people feel like renewing, they can have another wedding with a big banner that reads, “We still love each other!”
But for twentysomethings, well, they should take their studies and careers seriously and leave long-term romance on the backburner. There’s plenty of time for that later.
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