2092
(3 votes, average 5.00 out of 5)
Written by Rev. Irene Monroe
Dec 30, 2010
Rev. Irene Monroe
The long-awaited reality series “Girls Who Like Boys Who Like Boys,” highlighting the unconventional relationship between heterosexual women and gay men, deputed on the Sundance Channel Dec. 7. The show is produced by Randy Barbato and Fenton Bailey, the gay producers of “RuPaul’s Drag Race.”
And the show is going to be a great reality series.
Why?
Because “Girls Who Like Boys Who Like Boys” reveals how the honest and raw interpersonal dynamics that emerge among unconventional and supportive relationships between heterosexual women and gay men contradicts the dominant views of gender and sexual identity coupling.
And the show not only gives a human face to this reality of straight women with gay men as their “best friends forever,” but the show also highlights our universal yearning for a person with whom we have a feeling of deep and natural affinity, love, intimacy, spirituality and compatibility – irrespective of gender and sexual preferences.
Straight women with gay men as BFFs are not an anomaly. And the entertainment industry has successfully captured that reality in TV sitcoms such as “Will & Grace” and feature films such as “The Object of My Affection.”
But back in the day, “women who like men who like men” were called “fag hags,” a slang that originated in U.S. gay male culture that some heterosexual women still find insulting.
Straight women who have rejected the “fag hag” label argue that at the etymological root of this moniker are misogynistic stereotypes. And they feel that the term is not only derogatory, but that it demeans and distorts their rich relationships with their BFFs.
But there are many other women who lovingly embraced the term. Comedian Margaret Cho regularly talks about being a fag hag in her stand-up routines, and she has written the now famous and oft-quoted piece “On Being a Fag Hag.”
While it is clear that the unconventional coupling of gay men and straight women disrupts heterosexist patriarchy, it also debunks the stereotypical assumptions hoisted upon this distinct demographic group.
Gay men whose BFFs are straight women are perceived to be effeminate or wanna-be females or looking for a gay-friendly mom, while others are perceived to embody internalized homophobia or relationship phobia.
The commonly held assumption about straight women whose BFFs are gay men is that they are the world’s female rejects – annoying, clingy and incapable of intimacy. They are perceived to register so low, if at all, on the sexual attractiveness, social self-worth and body esteem scales that they seek safe refuge in the gay world.
But the stereotypes are far from the truth. Research psychologist Jesse Bering wrote in “Scientific American Mind” that straight women with a lot of gay male friends actually fare better in life. The study found “the more gay male friends that a woman had, the more sexually attractive she found herself,” meaning these women either surround themselves with hot guys who happen to be gay, and/or gay men laud their BFFs with so many compliments it helps these women perceive themselves to be attractive.
“We are from all walks of life, all classes, all ages, all races; straight, lesbian, and somewhere in between. We are as diverse as we are numerous. The common bond that we share is our alliance with gay men, a connection that is both nurturing and powerful, sweet and sour, retail and wholesale,” Cho wrote.
The friendships that “women who like men who like men” have are a special bond like no other. Gay men have an innate capacity to connect on deeply emotional and spiritual levels with women that is too often not experienced with heterosexual men. And with these friendships devoid of any sexual tension and competition for the same male suitors, it’s easy for both gay men and straight women to open up to each other.
“Girls Who Like Boys Who Like Boys” will give viewers an opportunity to see why so many women – across sexual preferences – enjoy having our gay men friends, because it’s like having a girlfriend in a boyfriend.
The Rev. Irene Monroe is a freelance journalist in Cambridge, Mass.
