739
(1 vote, average 5.00 out of 5)
Written by Paul Varnell
Apr 22, 2010
Dear Mr. A.P.: My roommate/partner smokes, and I am coming to hate it. The smoke clings to the walls and windows, it permeates our clothing and it fouls the air. What can I do?
Dear Reader: I assume separate residences are out of the question? You could try designating some rooms in your home as smoking and non-smoking. You could load up on air freshener, although that just masks the odor. You could buy a big exhaust fan or two. Massage, accu-puncture, and hypnosis may help him stop, but there are no guarantees.
The tobacco addiction is a tough one to break. Nagging generally doesn’t work and most efforts at persuasion, including the health argument and the economic argument, fall on deaf ears. If you’ve made it clear how much you are offended by his smoking, the odor it produces and concerns about the effects of second-hand smoke on your own health, you’ve done about all you can.
Dear Mr. A.P.: The rest rooms at some of the bars I go to are in poor repair and sometimes dirty. I have complained to bartenders but it seems to have no impact. What to do?
Dear Reader: In a competitive capitalist economy, what you mainly do is go to a competing bar. But I assume you like these bars otherwise. Getting things accomplished generally requires getting to the right person. Complaining to bartenders generally has little impact. Bartenders are hired to be good-looking, pleasant and serve drinks, but that’s about it. To get any action, you have to complain directly to the manager (or bar owner). It may also help to write down your concern and give it to the owner/manager when you talk with him or her. It will be a reminder that a concern has been expressed.
Dear Mr. A. P.: It irritates me when I am out for coffee or a meal with a friend and he keeps checking his texting device and sometimes even answers messages right there is front of me. What can I do?
Dear Reader: We live in an age of Internet-facilitated rudeness. Texting devices represent power and sense of security for young people that they are reluctant to give up. Among those over 30, however, it is just plain rude for people to interrupt a meal or coffee with a friend to keep checking their messages. It interrupts the natural flow of conversation and sends the message to the other person that whatever he has to say is not as important as whatever message is coming through the text device. Generally people learn manners from their parents, but parents have little experience with this so they are not able to teach manners.
Ask your friend to leave his texting device at home or ask him not to use it while you are together. If he is any sort of friend he will respect your wishes and honor your request. If he persists, then you know where you stand in his hierarchy of desires. Either reduce contact with him or put up with it.
