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Written by Gregg Shapiro
Jul 28, 2011
Michele Bachmann
Owl City
American Idol
In addition to Anita Bryant, Stryper, Buju Banton, Smoking Popes, Eminem, Pedro The Lion, Rosie Thomas, Danielson Famile and Switchfoot, it’s a safe bet that some of the following artists can be found in the playlists on Michele Bachmann’s iPod.
Owl City
Music for home-schooled shut-ins, Owl City’s new disc “All Things Bright and Beautiful” picks up where Bachmann’s fellow Minnesotan Adam Young left off with his 2009 major-label debut “Ocean Eyes.” Rocking a bit harder than before, Owl City still relies heavily on immature puns and clichés. Less than subtle religious references abound in “Angels,” “Galaxies” and “Hospital Flowers.” Especially scary is the use of a recording of Ronald Reagan’s voice (re: the Challenger explosion) on “January 28, 1986.” I could easily picture Bachmann shaking her bony booty to this junk, but I just had lunch.
American Idol
Politician that she is, Bachmann is sure to appreciate how Fox’s tacky talent show “American Idol” allows the citizens of the United States to have their say in who gets a lucrative recording contract. No doubt the various artists compilation “American Idol, 10th Anniversary – The Hits: Volume 1” is in heavy rotation on her iPod. Down-home diva Carrie Underwood (“Before He Cheats”), Kelly Clarkson (“Since U Been Gone”), Daughtry (“Home”), Taylor Hicks (“Takin’ It To The Streets”) and, of course, Ruben Studdard (“Superstar”) are sure to be Bachmann faves. But she probably skips selections by homo barbarians such as Clay Aiken, whom she probably wishes was as “Invisible” as the title of his song, and Adam Lambert, the 21st-century’s Boy George.
Cold War Kids
Even though Cold War Kids’ music probably isn’t to her taste, Bachmann would be delighted to know that guitarist Jonathan Russell is the son of an evangelical Christian preacher. On “Mine Is Yours,” Cold War Kids sing about tested faith (“Royal Blue”), trials and treasures (the title tune), leaps of faith (“Finally Begin”), a “new prophet” (“Out of the Wilderness”) and so on. This sounds like a cross between U2 and Kings of Leon.
Josh Groban
Does Bachmann dig Josh Groban? Does Sarah Palin shriek, “You betcha!”? Listening to his pop-eratic voice must make her feel as if she’ll explode like the Chicken Lady on “Kids in the Hall.” In spite of being about that modern-day Sodom and Gomorrah, “Bells of New York City,” from Groban’s “Illuminations,” sounds like Christmas. Although deeply suspicious of Galileo the man, Bachmann might find herself humming along to the song “Galileo (Someone Like You).” Songs such as “Hidden Away,” “Love Only Knows,” “London Hymn” and “Straight To You” (heck, any songs with the words “hymn” and “straight” in the title) should fill her with that special feeling.
Matthew Morrison
If Bachmann had a secret musical love, who would it be? Golly, that Matthew Morrison on “Glee” sure is a hunky specimen of manhood. But, gee whiz, could his self-titled Mercury CD be any more boring or derivative? His original compositions, including “Summer Rain,” “My Name” and “It’s Over,” all have a vaguely familiar ring to them, as if he thought the only way to write a song was to imitate what someone else did. And did much better. Even worse, duets with Sting (“Let Your Soul Be Your Pilot”), Gwyneth Paltrow (“Somewhere Over the Rainbow”) and (again with the gays!) Elton John (the “Mona Lisas and Mad Hatters/Rocket Man” medley) are lackluster.
Glee
Why, it’s enough to drive someone to listen to the latest “Glee: The Music – Volume 6/Season Two.” Bachmann could justify it because of the Fox connection. The interpretations of Fleetwod Mac classics such as “Dreams,” “Songbird” and “Go Your Own Way” will bring back a flood of memories from her misspent youth. But the Glee kids’ take on Lady Gaga’s “Born This Way” is bound to send Bachmann running for her migraine meds.
