The one about Cruz\'s doppelganger and Red Riding Hood has a gun

Searcy Hayes went on the Maury Povich Show in April and became a sensation — not because she passed a lie-detector test after her fiancé accused her of cheating but because viewers widely agreed she’s a doppelgänger of Ted Cruz. Hayes became an immediate meme star and, according to the Huffington Post, she and her fiancé agreed to do a six-minute sex tape for $10,000. If you’ve been longing to see Ted Cruz in drag making it with a guy, your chance is coming.

Jenner tests Trump

Caitlyn Jenner decided to take Donald Trump up on his statement that transgender folks should be able to use the restroom that corresponds to their gender identity. Jenner posted a video of her entering the women’s room at Trump International Hotel in New York. “Thank you, Donald, really appreciate it,” she says upon completing the mission and exiting. “By the way, Ted,” she quipped, “nobody got molested.”

Turning the tables

South Carolina state Rep. Mia McLeod introduced a bill requiring men to wait 24 hours to get Viagra prescriptions filled. The proposal, which has no chance in the Republican male-dominated legislature, also requires cardiac stress tests for men seeking drugs for erectile dysfunction, as well as counseling that presents celibacy as a viable lifestyle choice. The requirements mirror South Carolina’s anti-abortion law.

Texas education

A school in Austin, Texas, may get a new name because of its existing name — Lee Elementary, as in Robert E. Lee. Some people suggested honoring author Harper Lee, artist Russell Lee, actor Bruce Lee or director Spike Lee. Some suggested recognizing local legends, like Willie Nelson and Stevie Ray Vaughn. More than a few took offense at the decision to withdraw the Confederate honor and suggested Bleeding Heart Liberal Elementary and Adolf Hitler School for Friendship and Tolerance. But the most popular name? Donald Trump.

Another name game

In an online poll, the Natural Environment Research Council in Britain invited people to help name a new polar research vessel. The top vote-getter turned out to be Boaty McBoatface, which Britain’s science minister said probably wouldn’t become the name of the $284 million ship.

Bad taste

The Krave “candy” bar mixes fruit with meat. Flavors include blueberry barbecue beef and pineapple-orange beef jerky. “We aren’t going out there saying it is a meat bar,” a Hershey’s marketing VP told the Wall Street Journal. But it is definitely a meat bar.

True love’s kiss

One Million Moms raised a ruckus in April after ABC aired an episode of Once Upon A Time featuring a “true love’s kiss” between Ruby AKA Red Riding Hood and Dorothy Gayle. On its website, the grassroots group complained, “Many families watch the program based on beloved children’s fairy tales, but unfortunately ABC has distorted and twisted the storylines in these fables.” The group said ABC is “purposefully pushing a gay agenda.” The producers defended the episode, saying it honored the fairy tale truth: Love is love.

Red’s rifle?

Red Riding Hood’s trending these days. NRA Family, apparently the kid-friendly section of the National Rifle Association website, features retakes on old stories. The first story in the series is “Little Red Riding Hood (Has a Gun).” It transforms Red into a fashion-conscious Annie Oakley. Grandma also has a gun — better to shoot to maim. And the big bad wolf is annoyed because, “Oh, how he hated when families learned how to protect themselves.” Twitter users had a good time offering grim takes on fairy tale figures and accidental shootings. Heard the one about the elves and the shoemaker?

Quality check

A 45-year-old woman in Toulouse, France, was unsure about the quality of her cocaine. So she sought help at a local police station, asking officers to test three bags of the drug for purity. She seemed baffled by her arrest, saying that she merely wanted “to know it was good quality so people do not die of an overdose.”

PricEy junk

Nick Hawk, the Madison native who stars in the Showtime series Gigolos, recently took out an insurance policy for $1 million on his moneymaker. George Geldin, who provided the policy, said it was the first one he’d heard of during his 24 years in the business.

Stressing out Fido

People love to hug their pooches, but a study by the University of British Columbia found the feeling isn’t mutual. Hugging Fido relieves stress for humans, but it turns out that it causes stress for most dogs, who don’t like being squeezed.

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